First of all, I don't even know how often these post are read...but if you did stumble upon my little blog thank you and I am so glad you are here! I hope my honesty of a painful situation would be worth it, even if it resonates with only one person. I held on to posting this for a couple months. It was like I was processing everything and I wasn't ready to open up yet. Going through a hard time you really go through phases. It's like a peeling back of the soul where every layer is another emotion. So here it is. Without a single layer hidden.
I'm sad I have to make this post, again. Just when it seemed like our world was in the heavens, it fell through our hands. I'm sure you have felt it too- it's a single moment that can alter your life forever and it carries a flood of emotions and pain with it that you never want to feel again. You could fill a whole ocean with your tears and a part of your soul literally feels torn apart. It's not a sleep it off you'll be better in the morning type of scenario. It's a heart filled with grief and deep sorrow. That level of pain changes you forever.
Heaven gained another angel. Almost exactly a year later. It still doesn't seem real. It's something you wish you never will have to endure once, let alone twice. I know without a doubt when our miracle baby comes I will look back and say to the Lord, it's been a rough road but I am so thankful to have a sweet angel to finally hold. I can't even imagine how sweet and raw that day will be. The truth is He already knows the end. Things in your life may not turn out the way you dreamed of, but it's Not the End of your Story. Realizing you aren't in control of painful life events can be a tough thing to swallow, but the important thing to learn through that hard time is you have the opportunity to do one of two things. You can either fall apart or you can pick yourself up and allow yourself to be strengthened through that pain.
Through it all I Still trust in His plan for our lives. I'm not saying don't allow yourself to be upset or even mad. But don't let grief define who you are. God was Just as sad and grieves with us in times of great sorrow.
You know what else can wash over you just as fast as pain can?
Peace. Grace. Mercy. Healing.
We weren't promised this life without pain and trials. That can be really hard thing to understand sometimes. You have to chose to lift your head even when the worst possible things occur in your life. You have to Still praise him when you are at your lowest because He doesn't allow pain without something New to be born in your life. There is a much bigger picture that only God can see. You have to trust Him that He will fulfill the desires of your heart and strengthen you to move forward. You can't change the past or what happened, but you can tell your story to help others who are going through a valley so they can have one thing: Hope.